Winter. It’s still coming.
It’s been a long wait, one that has lasted what seems to be eternity. Seriously, the first volume of Game of Thrones was published in 1996. It’s been 19 years. I’ve legitimately been waiting all my life.
The wait appeared to be briefly suspended when they dumped five eps on us during mid-sem break. But that just meant that I had five hours of Kit Harington to watch, when I should have been catching up on the readings I hadn’t done during the semester. I was neither mentally nor emotionally prepared for this temptation.
Three weeks on and I have still not caught up on either GoT or my readings.
We continue to wait for the climax of a show that will be responsible for some of us failing at least two subjects by the end of our degree. Whilst waiting, I thought: what better way to distract myself from the failure that was my last Torts essay (seriously – shocking), than to write an article about the very show I have been avoiding. The result:
9 ‘Game of Thrones’ Characters Who Are Just Glorified Uni Students.
Of the struggles that have dwarfed you most of your life, uni is one of the biggest. Some of its less appealing features (readings, lectures, class, etc.) just get you down. The pick me up: inebriation. You’ll be paying for more than just debts, my friend.
You are the Beyoncé of the GoT world and the Khaleesi of uni. Beautiful. Powerful. Territorially maternal. But you’re so busy being queen of everything that moves, that your presence at events is actually quite rare. The question on everyone’s lips: will you ever actually show up?
You’re a douchebag.
Varys the Spider
You are the student who somehow knows, and is involved with, everything. Either your brain is actually a biological sponge or you somehow find time to attend lectures. You’re on at least five committees, execs on three, yet still have time to finish readings, socialise, and knit blankets for charity.
Dammit Khal, your luscious locks put Tangled to shame. But you know better than to hide those curls in a bun; your braided ponytail is an effeminate dream. Mondays will never be the same.
A mormont of silence for this friend-zoned student. You are in allegiance with one of the most beautiful people at uni. They’re smart. Sophisticated. Somewhat sexy with the whole ‘dragon mother of earth’ thing. But you never stood a chance against the ‘horse-faced lord of all’ contender. Chin up.
You always look impeccable. While everyone else is sporting pj bottoms and oversized hoodies, you somehow manage to look like a poster girl for Burberry circa 1300 every day of the week. Please teach.
The noblest and most honourable of students, you stand out in Stark contrast to the other, more fickle, bodies at uni. You embrace your degree with impassioned enthusiasm and are loved by all, destined for great things.
But then you dropped out. And we didn’t hear from you again. You’re just – gone.
You know nothing.
By Cassey Coleman